Will Write for Food 11/8/13

        Anyone out there need a "barely forty-something"/ fifty year old?

      I've recently made a life-altering decision. At the end of the 2013-2014 school year I will no longer be teaching. Perhaps this is a shock to some. To others, it might just be a slight raise of one or two eyebrows. Some of you may say to yourself, "Thank God! At least now I don't have to listen to him gripe about that job while he's enjoying all those breaks teachers get."

     I won't attempt to speak for anyone, but I will be happy to hear your thoughts, advice and I'm willing to answer any question. I'm also taking job offers while waiting to hear from Ron Howard's people or Steven Spielberg's people or...-you get the idea. Be warned though, my answer may well sound convoluted and contradictory. It's also a safe bet that said answer will change over time.

       "There are a hundred reasons," I have told my colleagues, "and there's a flip-side to every one of them."

       They all nod their heads and say, "I know what you mean."

        All the colleagues that I've told seem to understand. They congratulate me. Some voice their envy in funny ways and some really kind ones tell me that they'll miss me. I appreciate that and I will miss them too, but I also know that eventually I'll be just a ghostly memory. Forgive the momentary vanity, but I do wonder what they'll say when I'm no longer a member of the Lawrence Central High School English department.

     "Nickels? Oh yeah, that guy that used to teach in room 134, right?"

     "I thought it was 132. Any way, he was funny."

     "Quiet and moody sometimes, but he always had a good movie if you needed it."

    "Remember how his seniors would laugh about the way he'd get all worked up at the end of Beowulf."

     "Oh yeah, that part where Beowulf battles the dragon and all the thanes run. He would go on and on about how cool it was the way Wiglaf stood his ground and rebuked the 'shirkers'."

     

     I always liked teaching Beowulf in late October. I would tell people that my Beowulf lecture was what got us to the football state finals twice. We won one and we lost one. Those were fun seasons and I enjoyed being on  the chain gang for home games. Carson, my son, was a ball boy. Old Kit loves LC football and the guys were always nice to him. I enjoyed  the fact that when he watched the Bears play the only colors he saw were Maroon & Gray. He'll be a freshman next year and his allegiance will  shift fully to his Noblesville Millers, as it should. I still have a hard time with those God-awful black & gold colors, but that's a personal problem.

     Let's shift the focus back to my 'life-altering decision'. Shall we? People have a right to speculate about the reasons for my decision and like I said I can come up with a multitude of them. Some are negative, but not all of them. I welcome your thoughts, but I would add one polite proviso. I prefer not focus on politics or negative aspects of the past 25 years.   I've done my best to care more about people than politics and I want to leave teaching  on a positive note because I can. It's time for a change and while I'd like to leave it at that there's an obligation to the truth even though it may be a little painful. The following are, in my opinion, the 3 most salient questions about my decision to start this new chapter of my life.

1. Was it the kids?
      For years, I have told people 95 to 98% of the kids I've worked with are good kids. I still think that's true. It's not entirely their fault that they didn't learn the same manners and behavioral boundaries that I did. Was I disrespected daily? The answer is yes. Welcome to the wonderful world of public education. And while I've 'pissed & moaned' more than my fair share, I also think I earned the respect of some good, young people and that's something I can live with.  So, if we look at my decision as a math problem then the negative behavioral issues with kids are worth around 2 to 5 % of the equation--I'm gonna live with that too.
      Let me tell you about some kids that carried a lot more weight in my decision. There are two boys that sleep down the hall from me and a young married couple that live with my 3 grandchildren just a little bit down the road. They were significant factors in this decision. They deserve a better father and grandfather.  They deserve someone that isn't miserable and dissatisfied so much of the time. Don't get me wrong, I'm not totally burnt out and bitter (here comes the painful part), but I can see myself getting there. That's how I know it's time to get out. I should add that the kids that  occupy the desks in room 134 deserve better too.
    Years ago it seemed to me that the best thing about being a teacher was that it felt like there were a number of ways to do the job well and feel good about it. Sadly, that's changed (for many reasons & some of them are personal), but please don't feel sorry for me. I learned years ago that teaching is a profession in which you seldom get to see the fruits of your labor. I've been okay with that for a very long time.
     That doesn't mean that I haven't had my share of resonant and heartwarming moments. I would say I've had more than I deserve. Just this afternoon I attended a ceremony for a young student athlete that humbly, gratefully and articulately announced to his school, family, friends and teammates that he would be attending Missouri University on a football scholarship. He personally invited Carson and me to attend. Definitely an honor that made my week. I also remember another young football player that was not nearly as talented as the one that I observed today, but  what I remember is that every time he left my classroom he would say, "All right, Mr. Nickels." Little things mean a lot. I'm grateful for all those moments. They are more than enough.

2. What will you miss most?
     This is an easy one. People are what I will miss most--kids are people too. During all those hours I sat in classrooms being taught, lectured and prepared about what my life as a teacher would entail no one prepared me for the depth of support that I would receive from my colleagues. All the venting, laughter and the thousands of little ways that we supported one another meant more to me than I can say.
     When I say, "colleagues", I'm not just talking about the people I teach with. Colleagues include, but are not limited to, custodians, secretaries, building & grounds maintenance workers, cafeteria staff, parents (the ones that "get it") and the friendly bus drivers that wave to you when your standing outside in January. I still stand by the advice that I always gave new teachers. "Teaching colleagues and administrators will come and go. Get to know your support staff, secretaries, custodians, maintenance staff and cafeteria staff. They run the show and they know what's going on. If you ever want to ask a question, but you're worried about looking stupid then go to them. They'll take good care of you if you take care of them."
     English teachers debate word meanings and semantics endlessly. For example, most people might think the words 'colleagues' and 'peers' are synonymous. I don't. I consider everyone I work with a colleague, but I would never say that I am a 'peer' to all of them. It's been my honor to work with and observe some of the most dedicated and talented individuals that  have ever stood in front of a class of young people. Being aligned with so many great educators has been one of my greatest achievements. I'd rather say good-bye to teaching than lose that.
     There are also quite a few sounds and sensations that I'll miss as well. The following are just a few:

• The laughter of teenagers (believe it or not)
• A student saying, "Oh, I get it," or "Have a nice weekend, Mr. Nickels."
• Crowds cheering at sporting events
• The cool, crisp air of a Friday night in the fall 
• My students singing, acting, dancing, and playing instruments

3. What's next?

     Another easy question to answer. I'm not sure. The whole proposition is scary and exciting at the same time. Perhaps you haven't noticed, but I'm big on quotes. Here's one that I keep repeating to myself, "There'a a lot to talk about, but nothing to worry about."
      I'm filling out online applications and checking out career websites. I would like something in the public sector. A job that allows me to serve others. I've applied to some hospitals and universities. I've always been interested in the media.  I'm also spending quite a bit of time researching alternative careers for English teachers and forty-somethings--I won't be 50 until April.
     "Encore career" is a new buzzword I've learned. As I said earlier I'm open to suggestions, constructive criticism and advice. I also spend a fair amount of time thinking about the following "dream jobs":

• Groundskeeper at the University of Notre Dame
• Groundskeeper at Indiana University
• A front office job with the Boston Red Sox or a job with the grounds crew
• Novel and/or freelance writing (take another look at the title)

     For now I'm just trying to end this school year on a good note. I feel very grateful for all the things that have come my way. I'm most grateful for Beth. Her love and support have given me the courage to make this change. Thanks, Honey. Any spare thoughts & prayers you can send her way would be appreciated. She's totally supportive, but this kind decision doesn't come without a fair amount of trepidation. 
     Like Frank McCourt said, "I am blessed among men."
    Thanks again for stopping by and reading it all. Did I mention that I'm listening to job offers?