I'm going to apologize right up front, because I'm quite sure I'm going to offend some of you. Tomorrow is the crown prince of silly-assed holidays. Sure it's fun if you're under the age of 10, but do we really need this special day for romance and chocolate. By the way, I like chocolate. I like it a lot. Why not show a bit more love the other 364 days of the year? I know I sound cynical, grouchy, and jaded, but I refuse to participate in this absurd excuse to pad Hallmark's profit margin.
Now, before you blast me you should know that my lovely wife, Beth, is fine with this boycott. She will not put my aggressive zeal into it, but she is fine with treating it just like any other day. Let me replay a conversation from Sunday:
"Hey, Beth."
"Yeah, Mike."
"We're not doing any thing for Valentines Day are we?"
"No."
"Good."
If I bought one of those "as seen on TV" 6' teddy bears, my pretty wife would take it out of the box and beat me to death for wasting our money. I'm also quite sure a pajama-gram would not suddenly turn a Tuesday evening into Saturday night.
Our sons are 11 and 15, but when they were younger we would have something special for them on Valentine's Day and buy the little cards for their classroom exchanges and that was all well and good.
My problem lies with those that make over it and expect something romantic from their significant other. I've worked with people like this--the majority of them are women. Shame on their husbands for indulging in it. These are the same people that watch The Bachelor & The Bachelorette. I'm sorry, but watching those shows has to be the greatest waste of time ever conceived of. And believe me, I know how to waste time with the best of them.
People that get wrapped up in The Bachelor/Bachelorette craze and Hallmark's TV commercials should really check themselves. I don't remember where I heard it, but a wise man once said, "These are the people that took their favorite songs in high school way too seriously." The kind of person that uses the word "soulmate" in a sentence and somehow keeps a straight face.
Now, before you pigeonhole me as one of those selfish moronic husbands that our sit-com culture has created, let me be clear. I do not hate romance. I think romance is fine. I've enjoyed several romantic comedies with my wife. Most recently, we watched a very good one called Midnight in Paris. It was intelligently written and taylor made for English teachers. It wasn't just a good romantic comedy. It was a very good movie.
When I proposed to my wife I quoted Robert Browning as follows:
Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made.
She said, "Yes," by the way.
To me the thought above is romantic. Having a partner in your life and being devoted to them is romantic. Canandian geese and wolves that mate for life are romantic--ideally with their respective species, but I have nothing against mixed marriage. Raising decent human beings together is romantic. Women that cry while watching The Bachelor or The Bachelorette ARE NOT romantic. A guy that proposes on the jumbotron at a major sporting event IS NOT romantic, however he does need somebody to take the business end of a baseball bat upside his head.
Just to show you that I'm not a total hater, let me wish you a happy Valentine's Day. If you want to take your significant other out to dinner or do something special for them, please do so. God bless you and pay your bills. Yes, it's okay to be romantic. Just don't be a sellout or a cliche' about it.
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