I have been blessed way more than I deserve and the greatest amongst my blessings is family. During a class discussion one of my students asked me, "Do parents love their children equally?"
He further qualified his question by (more or less) saying, "I think parents are lying when they say they love their children equally."
I told him, "I think there's a lot of truth to that. I have three children and I don't love them all the same. They are each different and so is my relationship with them."
I could easily write several blogs about each of my children and that is what I plan to do in the future. This blog will focus on my oldest son, Griffin.
Griffin is 15 years old and he has autism. Roughly put, Autism is a neurological disorder that affects the development of a person's ability to communicate, to interact with others, and to socialize.
A number of sensory integration issues can also accompany autism. For example, Griffin recently told us that the sound of hands on paper or turning pages in a book hurts his teeth. When he was younger, he could not stand the sound of a room full of people singing "Happy Birthday." I've always thought there was a droning quality to that song. One last example, did you know that fluorescent lighting makes a sound? It's a sound that often annoys autistic children.
As noted above, autism can make life difficult and I want to make sure it's clear that there are thousands of people out there that have it a lot tougher than us. Keep up your efforts. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Like them, we've had many challenging days with Griffin. Meltdowns, the cruelty of other kids, and exclusion from Birthday parties have all been sources of sadness and tears.
But this writing is not about the symptoms, challenges, and hardships of dealing with autism on a daily basis. It is about a boy with autism that right now is probably a better human being than his father will ever be. Self-improvement is a constant challenge for me, but an even greater challenge will be keeping this blog brief. It's quite easy for me to talk about Griffin, so feel free to ask any thing about him. The following are just a few of my favorite things about Griffin or Griff as I like to call him.
Mornings
Griffin wakes up in a good mood every day. How many people do you know like that? He sometimes forgets that he is now 15 and he wants to snuggle with his mom or sit on my lap.
"I am loveable," Griffin likes to remind us.
"I am loveable," Griffin likes to remind us.
Like most adults, my mornings are hectic and I'm rushing around thinking about all the things I have to to do as well as the things I didn't accomplish the night before. In short, I'm thinking about everything, but where I am, who is around me, and how I can be a better father. Just when I'm about to go from moderate to meltdown stress level, Griff makes things clear.
"Come on, Dad, be silly with me," he says.
I'm ashamed to say that many times, I told Griffin that I was too busy or I don't have time to be 'silly' now. The fact is that none of the things I'm stressing over are that important. I mean, I'm not a CEO or a neurosurgeon. I'm a high school English teacher and I know there are a number of ways I could be better at my job. Being a better person is not the least of those. That's where Griff comes in. He helps me to be a better peson.
There is a profound simplicity to the way he views the world and he has the emotional integrity of a saint. He also has a good heart and he cares about others. If he thinks he has done something wrong, he will apologize repeatedly. There is very little deceit in Griffin. He seldom lies. One night, Griff was in his room and I called out, "Are you asleep, Griffin?"
There is a profound simplicity to the way he views the world and he has the emotional integrity of a saint. He also has a good heart and he cares about others. If he thinks he has done something wrong, he will apologize repeatedly. There is very little deceit in Griffin. He seldom lies. One night, Griff was in his room and I called out, "Are you asleep, Griffin?"
"Yes," he said. He wasn't lying. He was just telling me what he thought I wanted to hear. There will always be issues with Griff, but I don't have to worry about his humanity. It is hard-wired into him.
Faith
If Griff believes in something he takes it all the way. Religion is just one component to his faith. Every time we sit down to dinner Griffin will remind us to say our prayer. He also prays every night before going to sleep. He says pretty much the exact same prayer every time, but I think God appreciates his consistency. There are a few occasional add-ons. Every December he prays, "Please, God, let there be a white Christmas, not a wet Christmas."
Any family member or close friend that's troubled in any way or ill, is mentioned in Griffin's evening prayer. His weather petitions are sometimes self-serving, but I figure it's always good to keep that channel open.
Griff loves Christmas and he thinks people that don't buy into Santa Claus are just about as wrong as they can be. Beth sometimes worries about kids teasing him and it's a fair point. That being said, he gets my full support on his belief in Santa. I feel that there are things in this world that can't be proven with 100 percent certainty one way or another. Santa Claus being among the most prominent.
One of my favorite movies that most people have never heard of is Secondhand Lions. There is a scene that involves the great Robert Duvall giving some life advice to a young man. He says in his best Texas drawl, "Don't matter if it's true or not. If you wanna believe in it, then by God! Believe in it!" I've conveyed this to Griffin on more than one occasion.
Life Lessons and Perspective
Griffin has obviously taught me a great deal about life--probably even more than the movies. He respects nature and wildlife. He really sees the beauty in animals.
A couple of summers back I was cutting the grass when I found a dead Cooper's Hawk in our side yard. It was in almost perfect shape, except it was dead missing one of its eyes. I called Griffin out of the house because he was into birds of prey at that time. He came out and recognized it right away. I asked him to go and get a trash bag so we could get rid of it. He looked at me with his blue eyes and I knew what he was thinking. Something along the lines of, "That's messed up, Dad. You don't throw away a hawk."
Man, was he ever right. I quickly back-pedaled and said, "Or you could get a shovel and we can bury him. That's what we did. Griffin and I buried the hawk then said the Our Father/Lord's Prayer. We closed or impromptu funeral service with a couple verses from "On Eagle's Wings." Talk about time well spent. Every time I see a flying hawk I think of that Hawk and Griffin. Griff reminded me of what I already knew. A hawk is one of those magnificent creatures that we can look at and say to ourselves, "God sure got that one right." The platypus, not so much.
I could go on, but sometimes a writer reaches a point where he or she should just stop--forgive me if I went way past it. Perhaps, the greatest compliment I ever received came from my old friend and teammate, Jeff Smith. A number of families were spending the weekend at Tim Chaplin's place on Lake Freeman. I made a comment about Griffin, I don't remember what I said, but I will always remember what Jeff said.
"You're good with him," he said. Words to live by.
P.S. I have attached a link to an article that was in The Indianapolis Star yesterday. It's about a book written by our friend Jane Webb and illustrated by Griffin Nickels. They have a book signing tomorrow (2/25). Forgive us for being a little proud and excited around here. Star article
Any family member or close friend that's troubled in any way or ill, is mentioned in Griffin's evening prayer. His weather petitions are sometimes self-serving, but I figure it's always good to keep that channel open.
Griff loves Christmas and he thinks people that don't buy into Santa Claus are just about as wrong as they can be. Beth sometimes worries about kids teasing him and it's a fair point. That being said, he gets my full support on his belief in Santa. I feel that there are things in this world that can't be proven with 100 percent certainty one way or another. Santa Claus being among the most prominent.
One of my favorite movies that most people have never heard of is Secondhand Lions. There is a scene that involves the great Robert Duvall giving some life advice to a young man. He says in his best Texas drawl, "Don't matter if it's true or not. If you wanna believe in it, then by God! Believe in it!" I've conveyed this to Griffin on more than one occasion.
Life Lessons and Perspective
Griffin has obviously taught me a great deal about life--probably even more than the movies. He respects nature and wildlife. He really sees the beauty in animals.
A couple of summers back I was cutting the grass when I found a dead Cooper's Hawk in our side yard. It was in almost perfect shape, except it was dead missing one of its eyes. I called Griffin out of the house because he was into birds of prey at that time. He came out and recognized it right away. I asked him to go and get a trash bag so we could get rid of it. He looked at me with his blue eyes and I knew what he was thinking. Something along the lines of, "That's messed up, Dad. You don't throw away a hawk."
Man, was he ever right. I quickly back-pedaled and said, "Or you could get a shovel and we can bury him. That's what we did. Griffin and I buried the hawk then said the Our Father/Lord's Prayer. We closed or impromptu funeral service with a couple verses from "On Eagle's Wings." Talk about time well spent. Every time I see a flying hawk I think of that Hawk and Griffin. Griff reminded me of what I already knew. A hawk is one of those magnificent creatures that we can look at and say to ourselves, "God sure got that one right." The platypus, not so much.
I could go on, but sometimes a writer reaches a point where he or she should just stop--forgive me if I went way past it. Perhaps, the greatest compliment I ever received came from my old friend and teammate, Jeff Smith. A number of families were spending the weekend at Tim Chaplin's place on Lake Freeman. I made a comment about Griffin, I don't remember what I said, but I will always remember what Jeff said.
"You're good with him," he said. Words to live by.
P.S. I have attached a link to an article that was in The Indianapolis Star yesterday. It's about a book written by our friend Jane Webb and illustrated by Griffin Nickels. They have a book signing tomorrow (2/25). Forgive us for being a little proud and excited around here. Star article
This was beautiful, Uncle Mike. And, I couldn't agree more, "you ARE good with him." Your wife is no exception. I love you both, and I love Griff. Kyle and I will see you next weekend at the book signing.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Stubbs. It was good to see you both. Keep in touch.
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